Thursday, 10 January 2013

Getting older & Getting colder!

I'm 39 this year (July 29th) so believe me a big ass party is on the cards for 2014 or at least it better be?! Hint, Hint...

Now I for one at the moment have no problems with getting older, it just doesn't bother me as apart from my health issues I still feel pretty young & hope that I look it too!

What I do have a problem with is the cold though... The older I am getting the more & more I am feeling the cold - I uses to think it was to do with the amount of padding one has: ie/ the thinner you were the more you felt the cold whereas if you are more rounded you are better insulated therefore do not feel it as much

Wrong!!! Since quitting smoking in October (3 months ago) I've gained a good stone in weight am I any warmer??? Not at all if anything I am much colder & don't go telling me it's colder now than it was then either. I'm basing my findings on previous January's & Years I am like a freaking ice queen!!!

For example: right now it is 1pm, the heating is on, the lounge door is shut, the cavity walls have good insulation, I have my snow boots on, skinny jeans, a long sleeved top, a thick hoody but yet I am sat here bloody shivering & my hands n feet are like ice blocks, my nose even feels frozen - what's that all about?

Am I the only person that things about this??? I have to say I'm glad I quit the tags as just the thought of standing outside is about unbearable, I know that sounds dramatic but I really wish you could feel exactly how cold I am!

It's not as if it is THAT cold today, it's around 2'C so not even freezing but to me it may as well be -2'C or colder for how I'm feeling.

Is it normal to feel colder the older you get??? Answers on a post card to:

The Ice Queen
Freezing Lane
Cold City

I'm going to go get a quilt in a minute & cosy up as I feel ridiculously cold, still being cold has a great advantage for pastry making if only I needed pastry today?! I've a cake to do for Sunday I just hope my hands warm up a little as too cold hands don't help when kneading fondant to make it pliable!!!

Tuesday, 8 January 2013

A day in the life.....

Now this is written from my point of view rather than that of which it should, sounds confusing right?! Having a bit of a Cheshire Cat moment with riddles n suchlike, why you ask?! Well I imagine riddles, confusion, jumbles, mess are good describing words for the way my son's brain tics!

If I could sometimes just get inside his head to help him understand the simplest logic this would save a lot of aggravation on all sides, some days are just horrendous for no rhyme or reason - like today for example!

Am I right to blog about it?! Well, he is my son, he has high-functioning autistic spectrum disorder/asperger's syndrome, he is also dyspraxic & well at times can be very trying like most children, but other times even more so...

Not everyone knows this though, as with my epilepsy to the naked eye I look 'normal' it's only if you see me seizure that you know there is a problem. It's the same with Cameron, he looks 'normal' but it's only when he acts differently you can tell something isn't quite right.

So why did I choose today to blog??? It's Tuesday the 8th of January, the children are going back to school after the Christmas break & inset day... Finally some peace to enjoy a coffee & my own company!

What should've been a fairly painless morning turned into utter chaos within a few minutes!!! (I must point out here, that it is now Wednesday 9th Jan & I'm finishing this blog) It was quiet chaos non the less, but chaos it was & the day will be known as 'Traumatic Tuesday'

So the day starts as the alarms go off hubby's first around 6am I get woken (even though mine is set for 6.45!)... Everything is stress free at this hour as the children are yet to wake.

Hubby busily gets himself ready for work & leaves just before I am due to get up, Hermione is now awake & getting her uniform on nicely. I decide to quickly set a status on FB (big mistake) & then proceed to head too the bathroom before waking the other two.

I fill & boil the kettle while downstairs, feed the cats & then head back upstairs, Anneliese is bleary eyed but awake so I ask her to dress... I then go to wake Cameron (it's 7.15, so he has plenty of time to get sorted), he wakes, gives me a positive nod & grunt when I ask him nicely to get up & start getting ready - I then tell him I have to go get the lunch boxes packed, breakfast out, sort the girls hair etc!

Back downstairs I go, I tidy the kitchen to begin the lunches/breakfast & Hermione is ready for her hair, so I do that & then Anneliese's - it's now 7.45am but there is no signs of movement from Cam, back upstairs I trot...

He is still in bed, just laying there - I say "come on Cammy, Craig will be here soon get a wriggle on" but the response I get is "my alarm hasn't gone off" with a huffy grunt. So I check his phone, the time on it is 6.14 when in fact it is now 7.53!!!

I shout down to Hermione & ask her to pack the lunch boxes for me please, thankfully she was in a helpful mood & only too pleased to do this, Anneliese helped her.

I'm stood trying to coax Cameron out of his bed but he has now got the quandary in his head of how the clock was changed on his phone?! He starts saying "I never changed it" & I say "well somebody did but this isn't helping you get ready" - then Craig knocks on the door (8am), Hermione has to tell him to go on without Cam (who still hasn't moved).

Now when Cam was little & had days like this it was so easy, I could pick him up, dress him & he would get to school on time... Simple! But he us almost as tall as me now, he has a mid-sleeper bed that I just can't lift him out of as I'm too short & not strong enough for it now he is bigger & older.

I continue trying to persuade Cameron out of bed "it's the first day of school" "you don't want to be late" etc, etc but nothing is getting through he is still hung up on the alarm issue with his phone (which I reset to the correct time) but he us now complaining that I sent Craig ahead too! This is the moment I want to scream, but I resist & calmly explain that it wasn't fair to make Craig wait THAT long, if he had just been eating his breakfast it would've been fine for Craig to wait but he wasn't even out of bed.

I decide that as I've explained nicely & time is getting on I should really go get myself dressed as I can't have the girls late, so I say "I'm going to get dressed now, please can you get up & get your uniform on while I do that else I will have to call school as you WILL be late"

It's around 8.15 now, I call to ask Hermione what she's doing & bless her she is getting herself & Anneliese their breakfast, fantastic at least something is fooking right!!! Off I go to get dressed, even though I'm in a flap, stressed to the hilt I am still not shouting & pretty calm - amazing, right?!

I've got a Dr's appointment booked for myself at 9.20, there's not a hope in hell I will get there so after throwing my clothes on I call & cancel my appointment - that's when it hits me, I'm an awful mum, I can't cope, I'm not doing this right, if I was this wouldn't be happening, Cam would've been on his way to school ages ago etc, etc.

I manage to keep my emotions at bay while on the phone to the Dr's, it's nearly 8.30 now so I go to check how Cam is doing... STILL not moved an inch, apart from he has wrapped himself up in his duvet like a cocoon!!! So I go call his school, the receptionist told me to get the girls to school don't worry & they'd get his house welfare manager to call me (I'll tell you I was in tears at this point as I felt such a failure).

I'm getting my boots on, Ellie knocks for Hermione but I sadly say to her to send Ellie on cause I need to make sure they've got all their bags etc... Then I hear the dustcart coming up the street, I had asked hubby at 7.20 if the bin was out & said I'd sort it, but in all the chaos I hadn't had chance - yup, I ran out grabbed bin & hurtled up the drive past Louise's car (she'd parked on drive as road was manic with nowhere else to park) & just got it out in time!

It's 8.50 the girls need to be at school in 5 minutes, they hadn't got their shoes or coats it was a nightmare... Bless them it wasn't their fault, they'd worked bloody hard. So frantic search for Anneliese's shoes but so much mess so she wore trainers (these are blue suede boys trainers, she's a girlie boy lol).

By the time both girls had their shoes on, got their coats, brushed their teeth, got their PE kits, had their packed lunches n water bottles, grabbed their book bags & made it down the road it was 9.20 by the time I signed them in! I just kept it together in the school office explaining how it wasn't their fault & that I was having extreme difficulties with Cam...

Mrs Woods seemed quiet concerned & asked if it was just overwhelming to Cam after the Christmas break, having to get back into routine etc?! (I suppose yes it could be, but that doesn't help me sort the situation does it???) I just said in reply to her maybe it was as simple as that & we'd know in a few days.

I bumped into Rachel & Liz at the gates, Rachel said Sam (or was it Jacob) had trouble getting up today, but I said that's it he is not up he is STILL in bed doing nothing!!! Then my friend Pasty came past (we've been trying to arrange a catch up since Nov, but both been so busy) 'Happy New Year' she greets me with.

Have a quick catch up in the street, a brave face doesn't last long so a quick cry on her shoulder & then I say I must dash back as am waiting for the school to phone back still! Get in go check what's occurring with the boy - NOTHING...

I sit on my bed at a loss, a failure, send a few texts to my friend Sharon, play a few games on my iPod & just try to not let it bother me, but the time is ticking away & before I know it the school finally phone at 11.15... 11.15?! I called then at 8.30 before school started, it's almost break time & where's my boy??? Still laying in bed.

So I try to talk calmly, rationally to the welfare manager but I think I ended up sounding neurotic as I was in such despair that I started crying on the phone to her. She was really nice & not worried, just said tell him to make a choice he can come to school, see his friends or he can stay there in bed.

Now I've done choices time n time again, but they hardly ever work when I offer them... So I asked if she would speak to him please as I was worried that my calm approach was soon to break & that wouldn't help at all. So I took the phone to him, her words helped & he agreed to get up & get to school.

But it took him an absolute age to dress, to eat, to get his bag n lunch. Then he informs me he doesn't know where his key is, I start to look in his pit of a room & blurgh it's a hideous mess under his bed, dirty clothes, rubbish - Cam is just standing there watching me do it all not worried about time or his key, so I tell him he can come straight home from school & help me tidy his pit so we can hopefully find the key!

He got to school around midday as I told him to get welfare to call me so I knew he got there, his behaviour was infuriating me. The called at 12.20 after speaking with him.

So I had 3 hours without the children, I started this blog but then Sharon popped to see me which was nice for a bit of normality. Then a couple of cups of coffee, a slice of Christmas cake later & 2 loads of washing it was soon time to go pick up the girls.

Picking the girls up was peaceful enough, I explained after the mornings fiasco caused by their brother that we could watch something nice together if we all pulled together to tidy both theirs & Cameron's rooms as it shouldn't take too long.

We got home sorted coats, bags, lunch boxes out, then Cam made it home (for a change he had listened & I thought great we can turn this around). I explained what we were going to do & all was good at that point, the girls went to start theirs & myself n Cam went to do his...

That's when it started again or should I say stopped again??? Yes, you guessed it I was doing everything while Cam just sat there back chatting, arguing, making excuses, doing nothing. A simple job that together should've only taken an hour maximum ended up taking about 3 hours it was a war zone!

I ended up loosing my rag & shouting, hubby came home to it all which is NOT what I had envisaged happening. It was going to be calm, tidy, spotless, happy all round cause we'd helped each other & Cam had redeemed himself, but that just wasn't so...

The behavior spiralled out of control mainly the boy but there was a touch of misbehaving from the girls too, can't blame them really as I was absolutely at my wits end so they must have been fed up with it as he'd had all of my attention all day while they'd had none.

This continued to bedtime, Dunk's mum phoned as I had took it upon myself to do the Christmas thank yous (Cam was going to, but it wasn't high on his list of priorities) so I needed an address for his Grandad... Dunk had to hang up & call he back as it was beyond a joke by that point!

By 8.45pm the house was calm again, but boy it was such a 'Traumatic Tuesday' & I pray it never happens again... This morning although raised voices were in the house went much better in comparison, but hubby didn't have to leave quite so early.

I got up, made the sandwiches, packed the lunch boxes, he helped the boy get up & dressed, he left at 8.10 so was on time. Hermione went with Ellie & Anneliese got rushed up the street but got there in the nic of time - so much improvement.

I've managed to catch up with Corrie, write this blog & tried to chill today, as my stress levels need to reduce or a seizure could be on the cards. Well it's 2.30 & as Cam's school has a short day today I expect he will knock on the door in the next 10 mins or so... The key is still missing, but it's in the house somewhere!

Thursday, 3 January 2013

Christmas is gone, the New Year has dawned!

So Christmas 2012 was just 11 days ago?! Not really that long ago is it, but yet the decs are down, hubby is back to work, Creme Eggs are in the shops & it's all just a bit of a blur really!

Shall we take a look back at the highs n lows of 2012? No let's not, I want to focus on all the positives this year so what great things happened for me last year then???

My eldest child Cameron started secondary school, my middle child Hermione gave an amazing performance in her school play, my youngest child Anneliese moved into year 1 at primary school, my good friend JoJo got engaged, my biatch Elaine found love, my niece Tiffany turned 18, my wifey Becky gave up smoking (as did myself & my hubby Duncan), I made some amazing new friends both online & in the flesh (too many to mention, but if they're reading this they should know who they all are), I learnt some new decorating skills, made some cakes to be extremely proud of, survived some very troubled times so all in all it wasn't such a bad year!

I didn't make any resolutions for New Year, what is the point anyway?! Most get broken so it is just better to try & stay true to yourself. I am going to try my hardest to look at all the positives in life rather than the negatives, this won't always be easy as I know all too well that things can get on top of you & drag you down, but I will try my hardest - I've managed to stay focused through some very bad difficulties while quitting smoking, but through sheer determination I've stuck to my guns & not crumbled on that, so I should be able to do this too.

I'm also going to really try n keep up with my blogging, didn't do too bad last year did I?! I think I managed 50 blogs on here alone, as for my other 3 blogs I've not checked & my brain is not as good at keeping all these statistics as my bestie Jason's brain - maybe he will chip in on the comments of my overall blog count for 2012?!

Well that's the highs of 2012, I wonder what lies in store for 2013??? Only time will tell I suppose!!!